Amber Portwood appeared on Kailyn Lowry's Coffee Convos podcast this week, and folks -- what a convo it was.
If you're a fan of the Teen Mom franchise, then you're probably aware that Amber lives her life in a constant state of seething rage.
Portwood has served time for assault, and you might think that would be enough to convince her to keep her temper in check.
But Amber doesn't seem to have much concern for consequences.
And as a result, her convo with Kail was quite a doozy.
Naturally, Portwood's feud with Jenelle Evans was a major topic of conversation, but the interview was fascinating for reasons that went beyond Amber's wrath.
In short, Amber Portwood might be the single most delusional person working in reality television today, which is really saying something.
Things got off to a rollicking start when Amber revealed that she was driven to rage by the sight of Jenelle burning the haircare products that Kail had sent her as a peace offering.
“I was seeing all the stuff she’s saying about you [Kail] and burning your stuff," Portwood began.
“I went after her, I couldn’t understand in my mind how certain things transpired…it just really hit something with me.
"I wasn’t really trying to attack her…even though I did attack her.”
Amber is referring to the video above, in which she absolutely went off on Jenelle.
Asked about David Eason's obvious psychosis, Amber had this to say:
“I think they just want attention…I think when David does certain things he can get pretty crazy,” she said.
“I just think if he changed maybe drinking habits or something, he could probably calm down a little bit.”
Portwood went on to reveal that the final message she sent Jenelle before being blocked was "really sweet" ... but it was too little, too late.
From there, Portwood went on to talk about all the celebrities who tried to woo her following her breakup from Matt Baier. Seriously.
“I had already had a few [guys] trying to do that,” Amber said.
“Once you get single on the show…it’s like…there were some A-listers flashing money [trying to hit me up]…I’m not going to say their names, but I thought it was kind of corny and ignorant. You know who you are, I just thought it was really corny.”
She went on to spill the tea about the early days of her relationship with Andrew Glennon.
“With Matt, it took six months to meet him. I feel like when someone’s in the industry I’m more comfortable with meeting them because hopefully, they’re not psychotic,” Amber said of Andrew.
“I was comfortable and we hit it off.”
Yes, Amber Portwood -- the ex-con reality star who resides in rural Indiana -- really played the "I can't date anyone who's not in the industry" card.
Amber went to say that she would marry Glennon "in a heartbeat" -- if he asked.
From there, things really got ridiculous, as Amber bemoaned the fact that she has yet to receive an Emmy -- for her "work" on Teen Mom OG.
"The Teen Mom franchise, in general, we should have Emmys,” Amber said.
“We should be recognized more for what we have done. I think the focus on the negativity is ridiculous. I think there should be a little more focus on the good things we have done. I think with the ‘Teen Mom’ franchise, they should look at us a bit differently.
"We’ve been through things in our lives that real people have went through. They need to look at it that way, instead of just drama, drama, drama."
She added:
"I demand that respect after doing this for such a long time, as any of us should,”
Pro tip: People who are widely respected spend about 0 percent of their time pounding their fists on the table and demanding respect.
It's just not the way the world works.
You're not gonna learn a whole lot about the best way to live your life by observing Amber Portwood or Jenelle Evans.
But there's at least one important lesson you can learn from their example:
If you find yourself in a position where you constantly feel the need to voice your demand for respect, you're doing something wrong.